Mentally Intense and Totally Used

Where to begin with this latest entry? This was my 3rd Session with Miss Poison Candi, this lady is absolutely lovely, she is so good at what she does and is just an outstanding human being. I am so lucky to be exploring this journey with her.

So onto the session I came into this one with a lot of external factors going on at the moment, trying to find somewhere new to live after we were given a notice too vacate, dealing with the fact my weight loss journey as gone backwards plus all the previous feelings of guilt and shame etc..

Miss as useful looked absolutely stunning for our session and during our pre session chat she picked up on my feeling a bit off so we had a bit of a chat before beginning which helped me in starting to get into the right headspace. We then proceeded to her dungeon where we began the session. We had messaged before hand regards the type of session I would like to experience and I had asked for one where I would be treated as a slut/pig dehumanised and basically my holes where for Miss to use within the agreed boundaries.

I wont go into too much detail about the session itself as I feel this one is more about the feelings and mental aspects. But I will say I took dildos bigger than I ever thought I would, got to worship her boots and feet which is always a privilege and took some CP.

Onto the feelings as I mentioned I had asked to be treated more as an object in this session. Why some may ask and I had asked this question myself. The answer complicated but I m starting to process why I enjoy/want to experience these things. I don't live close to Miss Poison Candi so travel down and stay over, the night before whilst in my hotel room struggling to fall asleep I had a bit off a realisation. My mum passed away when I was 24 and pretty much ever since then and maybe even a year or two before I have been putting others and their wants/needs before my own. I think this goes some way to explain why I have been struggling with guilt and shame about having these experiences which are for me, for once this is me putting my needs before those of friends/family and after so long feels alien.

The session was awesome whilst above I mention some of the more negative feeling in this session Miss helped me experience the positive ones. I felt at times completely helpless and used whilst she filled me I can't fully describe how it felt to give up that control and just experience being filled and used. Moaning like a little slut and just wanting it to continue was just mind blowing in a good way.

There was a break in the middle of the session because of just how intense I felt the first half went., where Miss gave me some chocolate and water and we chatted about some of my fantasies which will stay between us for now.

The session then continued with Miss quickly getting me back in the sub headspace and she weaved in some of those fantasies into her verbal humiliation/dehumanisation. The rest of the session was also very intense and I felt completely used which was totally awesome.

We finished with some extended aftercare where we chatted and Miss helped me to process my feelings around everything we had just done together. We have always had aftercare but this was by far the most intense session for me so the extended aftercare was greatly appreciated.

Sorry if it is a bit rambling and disjointed but so are my feelings and emotions.

I just want to finish my saying just how great Miss Poison Candi is not only as a Domme but also as person, I am so lucky that I have her guiding me through this journey and I look forward to more sessions with her.