Repression and my first Domme Session

Where to begin so a few days ago I had my first proper Domme session with the awesome Miss Poison Candi.

This was many years in the making, I have had submissive thoughts, fantasies and leanings since I was a teenager. Eventually as a young man at university I had my first and until recently last Domme experience. It was not good a bit of spanking, nipple biting, bondage and some boot worship followed by cumming on their boots. The Domme was not interested really and was clearly just for the money.

What came next was around 25 years of a cycle of fantasising about BDSM and submission and trying to repress those thoughts and feelings. Thinking deeper into things over these last few days repression started much earlier for me, not of BDSM and submission but of many things. When I was young, I liked to try many activities and remember dancing at family parties, events etc.. A natural lack of co-ordination meant I was not very good, but I enjoyed it at first until close family members made fun of me for dancing. The pattern continued throughout childhood and beyond I would find something I liked to do only to have the micky taken. A  prime example being drama with me acting in a few plays and working backstage on another, again giving it up so the jokes would stop. Growing up in the North during the eighties and nineties you were raised a certain way and as a man you were meant  be strong, don’t show your feelings, you shouldn’t like certain things as men should not do/be like that.  This has 100% contributed to repressing thoughts feelings and emotions putting up walls so people did not have the ammo to hurt me/take the piss. Burned too many times of trusting and people using that knowledge to hurt or make fun, I struggle to be open and share.

For years I have supressed my desires and need to explore my kinks and submissive side. Finally after all this time I took the plunge and finally stopped repressing.

So onto the session and why Miss Poison Candi, firstly I had been researching which Dommes I felt best fit with my kinks and experience (limited though it is in real life), she was already on my radar form my research and following her on Twitter and LF. She had recently started following me back when I posted due to being down/upset and despite no real contact other than a few likes, comments and reposts by me she reached out to check how I was doing.  She did not have to do this, and I now know it was just her being her and having a genuine interest in me being ok. Over several months of interactions online her being kind and supportive and a few tributes/gifts, recommendations (thanks Tink) I was finally ready to book a session.

So the day arrived and to be frank I was bricking it but she did her best to put me at ease but at the same time having a good laugh at my nervousness and I think revelling in it a little. I won’t go into the full details, but I could not have wished for a better experience and that was due to Miss. My kinks were well catered for (feet, bondage, anal play humiliation/degradation) including plenty of firsts strap on play including being pegged, electrics and a extremely funny failed attempt at mummification. Finally, 100% a new kink unlocked in breath play. I could not have asked for a better person to lead me through it all. Would 1000% recommend Miss Poison Candi. Thanks to her I have been able to start accepting that I need kink and not to keep repressing but to grow and hopefully evolve.

What’s next well I do want to session again and will eventually once we have worked through some things in my personal life.